Tag: #DonaldTrump

The Rise & Fall of Gaston the Incredible: Part Six

A Trial of Two Turbans

Whilst the hunt for Barry Bollywood and his Bolshevik bandidas continued, plans for the trial of Gaston and the regime members already in custody continued.

In order to ensure ‘stakeholder engagement’ King Donny appointed a rapper called Car-Key who had lost his entire running shoe empire to the Reptile Club; he was considered such a deft exponent of pattern recognition and was so highly observant, that he noticed things that you weren’t even supposed to notice.

The charges against Gaston the Incredible and his regime were treason, embezzlement of government funds, and accessory to mass murder through the coercive enforcement of the Reptile Club injection program against the people of Peopleland.

Judge Car-Key made it clear that Gaston & his regime were in ‘very serious trouble y’all’, and because of the nature and severity of the charges, if convicted, that they were looking at the death penalty.

Tony Tesla’s 19yr old autistic intelligence officers were still having trouble tracking down Barry Bollywood and his army of Disney cast extremists in the densely enriched urban areas of Peopleland, until they came up with the idea of a Where’s Waldo app. It was a quite simple fix in the end: load in the faces of the Bollywood’s Diet Soviet Party into the app, then fly a drone over Brampton or Surrey picking them all out one by one.

By the end of the month Tony Tesla had captured almost every Diet-Soviet Party operative at large.

At trial, they made for a rich spectacle all packed into their respective caged section of the court – a blinged out Barry Bollywood in a saffron turban wearing a $45,000 watch made from the crystalized tears of poor children, surrounded by his army of diminutive Bolshevik harlots in one cage; and the equally rich visual feast of Gaston the Incredible in full regimental black face dressed as a pantomime Saladin complete with oversized bejewelled white turban, surrounded by his motley crew of career criminals pacing the cage like a pride of traumatized circus lions in the other.

The press gallery who turned up daily to cover proceedings never knew what they were going to get – each day Gaston would turn up in a different costume – one day he was Saladin; the next Superman; Thursday he’d turn up dressed like he was on his way to Gay Day, on Fridays he was D’Artagnon from the Three Musketeers, but always in full regimental Blackface.

Barry Bollywood and his party were charged as accessories to treason & embezzlement, with a specific charge of ‘stealing from the poor’. However, he had to have the charges repeated after thinking embezzlement was part of an expensive watch.

Bollywood repeatedly interrupted proceedings offering to cut a deal, but then failed to do so. The judge eventually got tired of this and threatened to take a Maserati from him every time he interrupted, whilst his raft of diet-Soviet medusas hissed ‘white supremacy’ through the bars

During the trial it was revealed that Gaston had owned the company that provided the bottles and labels for the bad medicine he forced everyone to take. He claimed that he never forced anyone to take the medicine and that everyone did so by choice, but a conveyor belt of video evidence was shown to the jury featuring Gaston applying all the power his government could generate to force people into taking the Reptile Club injection.

Gaston then claimed that the bad medicine was given to him by an old man who might have worked for the Nazis, and that he only provided the lipid nanoparticle technology to impress senior members of the Reptile Club. Then he blamed it all on his Minister for Supreme Goodness – who’s grandfather had accidentally also been a Nazi, and then his Supreme Justice minister, who accidentally applauded a Nazi at the palace.

The repeated connection to Nazis didn’t help.

On the final day of the trial, Gaston turned up for sentencing dressed as an Apache Chief complete with headdress and full faced regimental blackface.

The jury retired and returned just 20 minutes later with their verdict, which was then read out by the foreman to the court. On the charge of treason how do you find? ‘Guilty’. On the charge of embezzlement of public funds how do you find? ‘Guilty’. On the charge of accessory to mass murder how do you find? ‘Guilty’.

Upon the news Gaston threw himself to the floor and pleaded with the court for mercy, citing his many years of charitable work in the circus. He also claimed that he’d been blackmailed into doing everything he had done after being lured to a tropical island to meet some 14 yr olds.

In his deliberation, Car-Key described Gaston and his regime as one of the most egregious of all Globalist tyrannies of the pre collapse era, and that Gaston’s profiteering left him in no doubt as to his criminal involvement in the mass murder and maiming of millions of citizens; and because of the scale of this crime, he was left with no alternative than to apply the severest punishment available.

Judge Car-Key laid upon his wig the black cloth before sentencing Gaston and his entire regime to death with the words: ‘I hereby sentence you to death Y’all’

Gaston was taken down with the rest of his former cabinet; his blackface make-up running onto his bead tunic and moccasins. The only thing that remained – a  native headdress lying forlornly on the dock floor in a puddle of Blackface juice – a  mixture of tyrant’s tears and boot polish.

After being found guilty as accessories to treason, embezzlement and ‘stealing from the poor’, Barry Bollywood and his diet-Soviet raft of Medusas were sentenced to Transportation to a colony.

In the 17th Century when the sentence was introduced, this would have meant exile to one of the new colonies like Australia or Jamaica, but seeing as Tony Tesla was now running regular flights to Mars, the sentence was that they should be chained to a rocket bound for the Red Planet.

In the period post sentencing, as Gaston and his regime awaited their fate, intense speculation began to circulate as to the nature of his execution and whether the public would continue to be consulted.

Unlike the run up to the execution of Charles I of England in 1649, during which Parliamentary forces could not find anyone who was willing to execute a King of England, and had to resort to scouring the taverns of the South Bank for a willing drunk the night before, there was no such problem finding a citizen of the new national republic willing to carry out the sentence on Gaston the Incredible.

The court received literally tens of thousands of letters, some written by children in crayon, whose parents or grandparents had been killed or injured by the Reptile Club injection, or who they themselves had been maimed, pleading that they be chosen to execute Gaston; some were willing to do it with their bare hands, others had elaborate plans prepared. 

King Donny had already decided on the method – death by firing squad. Tony Tesla proposed importing a 30mm Soviet anti-aircraft gun from North Korea for the occasion and doing them all in one go as an act of government efficiency. He also suggested that the bullets should be made by melting down the bronze statue of Gaston and the drag queens on Gay Day, but this was deemed too poetically rich for the simple folk of Peopleland, and a regime restricted five round capacity rifle was opted for instead.

Gaston had banned all firearms except the bolt-action 22LR, which was considered inadequate for resistance to his rule, and so it seemed more than fitting that this should be chosen as the execution weapon.

Such was the intensity of interest in being part of the justice process, that authorities decided to hold a lottery to decide who would get to carry out the order of the court. Millions of tickets were sold in the first week alone, as the old and the young alike emptied their penny jars and scraped together what they could in order to have the best chance of being the one who put the full stop at the end of Gaston’s story.

The lottery was held the following Saturday and televised live across the nation – streets lay empty & children stopped playing as the people of Peopleland held their breath.

The Rise & Fall of Gaston the Incredible: Part Five

The Devil Collects

Gaston’s inability to step down from power gracefully cost his both his dynasty and his country dearly. His attempts to hide from his ministers had demonstrated that he was willing to sacrifice anything and anyone in order to cling to power, even if it was just for a few moments longer. During his last few days, he even tried to start a war with King Donny in order to stay in power, but there was no escaping his fate – the devil was collecting on his Faustian deal.

Gaston was found a nice quiet desk job by his handlers at the Reptile Club, in a corner office at the U.N. where he spent the next two years shredding Pedo Island flight logs. In the meantime, Peopeland crowned a new slightly edgy beige emperor who promised to return the country to an era of common sense.

Emperor Peter the Fairly Good, as he became known, attempted to repair the destruction the Gaston reign had wrought on the country and avoid being consumed by King Donny’s new Empire of Awesomeness, but global events eclipsed his efforts in 2026 when, after decades of wobbling, the entire global financial system finally collapsed.

It turned out that it wasn’t just Gaston who had printed and spent too much money – every emperor of every country had been doing the same thing. The Reptile Club had attempted to control the inevitable by imposing a ‘Great Reset’ – a new economic system that would ensure that the collapse would happen on their terms with the enslavement of all of humanity under a centralized system, but this had ultimately failed and now an uncontrolled collapse had befallen the entire planet.

At first there was chaos. The banks collapsed; no one could get any money. What cash there was in circulation became worthless as soon as everyone realized that they were not going ‘back to normal’ this time.

With the collapse the societal and political order was turned upside down. Things that had been important or valuable suddenly became unimportant and worthless, and the things that people had taken for granted, all of a sudden became priceless.

People cast off the indulgencies of the Gaston years as quickly as a defeated soldier casts off his uniform. Men & women re-established their traditional roles based on mutual needs, and despite the hardships, people started living more fulfilled and simple lives.

It turned out that all anyone needed to do to end the decades long insanity of Inclusive diversity was turn the electricity off, and…Poof! It all disappeared in a moment like a one of Gaston’s tricks.

The central pillars of control for the Reptile Club had been the armies of woke women, and the fringe minority groups that were established to undermine the pre-enlightenment society of diverse inclusivity. For years under Gaston these minority fringe groups enjoyed nobility status; they were empowered and indulged; feted in the press, and employed to force Gaston’s political enemies into acts of public humiliation. However, there was little use for them in a post collapse world.

Without community or skills, these groups starved to death waiting for the government to come and save them, or became food for migrants in the sanctuary cities they shared. Whilst those grass roots communities that had established themselves during the Bad Medicine years – militias, church communities & online ‘hate’ groups etc. now provided the best avenue for survival.

However, the global financial collapse also offered King Donny the Tremendous the opportunity to achieve his imperial desire to consume the already weakened Peopleland and turn it into an energy theme park called 51st State.

King Donny’s tanks rolled into the main square and pulled down the statue of Gaston letting go of the stroller as he rushed to embrace the drag queens on Gay Day. His soldiers shouted ‘fuck yeah’ and chugged tiny cans of piss in celebration. King Donny told the people of Peopleland that the tiny cans of piss his troops drank were the biggest and best anyone had ever seen, and that they were there to liberate the people from their feudal servitude to the Reptile Club.

The people of Peopleland didn’t know what to think – they had never had a leader like King Donny the Tremendous – who was equal part genius and idiot – all they had ever known was boring and mega-idiot.

After establishing stability in Peopleland, King Donny’s first order of business was to locate all members of the Gaston & Bollywood regime.

Gaston and his ministers had all gone into hiding, mainly to secluded cottages surrounding the capital where they hoped to remain undetected whilst they lived out the rest of their sordid lives quietly engaged in Reptile Club pastimes like hosting Diddy parties and dressing up as forest animals whilst holding babies.

Bollywood & his ministers first tried hiding in a Maserati showroom, but were asked to leave when it became obvious they weren’t serious about buying anything. So they went to ground in Brampton & Surrey where they wouldn’t be seen.

Meanwhile King Donny’s 19 yr old autistic investigators started uncovering evidence of fraud on a massive scale and misuse of public money. It turned out that Peopleland had been a rich country, but the Gaston and Bollywood had siphoned off large amounts and spent the rest of it on trannies and Fentanyl.

King Donny promised that Gaston the Incredible, Barry Bollywood, and every member of their regime would be caught and brought to justice.

Gaston’s Minister of Supreme Justice, Mario Mentida was arrested the week after whilst ‘popping into town’ to trawl for teenage boys. And then a few weeks later, his former Minister of Supreme Goodness – the one whose father had accidentally been a Nazi – was caught when her uncontrollable public twitching gave her away during a visit to a petting zoo.    

Each capture was announced to great excitement by the public, but for some time the big prize of Gaston the Incredible still eluded them. King Donny promised that Gaston would be caught, and a few weeks later on Tremendous Day – formerly known as Gay Day, Gaston was finally captured hiding in a storm drain near a former safe injection site still wearing his trademark black face, after his bodyguard had abandoned him and disclosed his location to one of Tony Tesla’s 19 yr old autistic intelligence officers.

The damage the Gaston regime had caused was inter-generational, as was now the appetite for reckoning. King Donny the Tremendous announced that trials for all members of the Gaston regime would take place on un-ceded empty Chinese condo territory in Downtown Vancouver, which seemed only fitting given that was where the majority of the fentanyl money had been laundered.

Despite Barry Bollywood and his diet-Soviet grifters still being at large in the urban foliage of culturally enriched cities, King Donny set the trial date for the 29th September – Truth & Reconciliation Day as it had been known, but then announced that the name would be changed to Surf’s Up Day in memory of how Gaston traditionally spent the national holiday he introduced.