We hear a lot in the media about how Canada isn’t for sale; how Trump’s 51st State comments are disrespectful and how Canada is a strong independent nation that has ethically decided to abandon the natural resources sector in favour of mass immigration.

Let me put the current geo-political situation for Canada in terms that most people will understand: 

Canada is like a drunk girl dancing in a bar. 

She’s attractive – she has big beautiful breasts laden with oil, she’s got an ass that screams LNG, and panties made of pure lithium, but she drunk and she’s going around telling everyone how she respects native rights and loves wildlife; how they need to respect her pronouns and her non binary sexuality if they want any chance of dating her. 

China and Trump are sat at the bar watching, trying to work out which one will get to take her home.

The U.S has known her for years – she lives next door and they were seeing each other for a while – on and off, but she’s been sexting with China recently – sending them indecent selfies and giving them the come on, and there are rumours that she’s also been coming on to the E.U. 

At the moment, she hates Trump so much that she is willing to hatefuck China just to make him jealous.

The problem is, both China and the E.U live way across town, and Trump lives right next door – all he’s got to do is jump over the fence and put a baby in her.

Geography, as they say, is everything.

That is the reality for resource rich Canada after a decade of virtuous de-industrialization; someone gets to fuck her, they are just working out who.